AUDITORY BYPASS

In these pages exactly two years ago, in a column entitled "Music Ex Machina," I described the concept of pure-performance music reproduction. Pointing out the limitations inherent in recording, storing, and reproducing music via conventional microphones, digital media, and loudspeakers, I argued for the development of new music machines in which music would be re-created directly from the score through computer-controlled musical instruments. Utilizing the principles of artificial intelligence, such expert systems would actually be robot musicians, able to learn technique and develop proficiency much as a human player does. A listener's system would be composed of a literal orchestra of robots, placed in the seating arrangement called for in the score, playing independent parts under system control. Music would thus be re-created directly, freed of the frailties and distortions of human musicians and the intervention of audio reproduction systems.

This revolutionary idea was greeted with basically two kinds of reaction: Indifference and ridicule. This is very encouraging, because any new and revolutionary idea is always greeted by contempt. They laughed at Aristotle, they laughed at Orville and Wilbur Wright, they laughed at Marx (both Karl and Groucho). In fact, the greater the contempt, the better the idea. Judging by the reaction to it, one might estimate that the idea of pure-performance machines will be an overwhelming success one day.

Another good sign that human musicians are on the way out recently came at two of the world's most prestigious audio fairs. At the Berlin Funkausstellung (I believe that's German for "Audio: A Great Excuse to Party"), a curious opera recording/playback system was demonstrated. A CD-I disc with four channels independently reproduced a stereo mix of the singers on stage and a stereo mix of the pit orchestra, played back over two sets of loudspeakers. The pit-orchestra speakers were placed slightly forward of those for the stage performers, exactly the way things would be in the opera house. The message is clear: Even with surround-sound ambience, the best way to re-create a front image with depth is to literally place the reproducing sources at the appropriate distances from the listener.

Another, more serious challenge to conventional audio reproduction came last fall at the Japan Audio Fair in Harumi. On an open-air stage, performances were given by Carmen McRae, the Count Basie Orchestra, and other groups. However, these performers weren't really there-they were on tape. The reproduction source was a Mitsubishi 32-track digital recorder, used to create 40 feeds sent through 20 stereo amplifiers to 40 loudspeakers of various types. The loudspeakers were placed on stage in exactly the same locations as the Count Basle musicians would be seated. To the left were piano, bass, and guitar speakers, to the right were a front row of sax speakers, a middle row of speakers for the trombones, and a back row of trumpet speakers. In the rear were drum speakers complete with ride cymbals perched on top; in the front were vocal speakers.

Now, as impressive and forward looking as these experiments are, they are primitive compared to the proposal I made two years ago. Although the spatial problems of reproduction have been overcome in these experiments, the problems caused by human performers (in recording) and loudspeakers (in playback) have not. Clearly, the next step is the development of robot players to simultaneously replace both.

Encouraged by these public demonstrations, I have conducted further study of this concept. Unfortunately, my latest thinking on the subject is not encouraging. While few technical details stand in the way of the pure-performance system, numerous economic ones do. The bottom line is that a pure performance machine could be built, but it would cost more than the gross national product of Bulgaria, or one hour's worth of the U.S. trade deficit, whichever is greater.

This will certainly be disappointing for the many music lovers who have bulldozed their homes and built concert halls in expectation of the availability of pure-performance machines.

There has been widespread speculation in the yellow audio press that some audiophiles may now hire live musicians to perform in their listening halls--a serious blow to hi-fi.

Fortunately, the Lirpa Foundation has intervened, as it has so often in the past when a crackpot idea has been in jeopardy. Bolstered by the profits from speculation in the South Florida real estate market, the Foundation commissioned the late Millard Fillmore, 13th President of the U.S. and rock 'n' roll nut, to study the problem. His solution, communicated from beyond the grave via a picture of Elvis, is truly revolutionary. It is, in fact, a Walkman-style pure performance system.

The problem with any audio phenomenon is the acoustic nature of the event. Whether it be a musician and his saxophone or an amplifier and its loudspeaker, the necessity to convey an acoustic signal to the ear is a most severe deficiency, because the ear is a largely prehistoric design that does not take recent technological advances into account. President Fillmore's solution is ingenious, unnatural, and certain 'o cause a deep rift in the ranks of the Democratic Party: Bypass the ear altogether.

The idea is to establish a direct digital connection from the composing or storage medium (e.g., synthesizer or CD player) to the brain itself. The brain, as demonstrated conclusively in numerous Vincent Price movies, is a pulsating mass of Jello-like stuff with wrinkles. Moreover, it is digital, with synapses and other peculiarities which have something to do with electricity. By inserting a connector in the correct part of the brain, audio data is fed to the auditory processing system and is perceived as sound. The need for any additional audio reproduction equipment is entirely eliminated.

With those troublesome ears out of the way, anyone, of any age, with any caliber hearing, can enjoy the highest fidelity that perception can possibly permit. Frequency response, distortion, localization, spatiality-everything is resolved in packets of digital information delivered right where they are needed. To this end, chassis-mount RCA connectors with hypo-allergenic gold connectors have been designed to be placed at the base of the skull behind the left ear, approximately 3 feet north of the gluteus maximus. The skull itself can be drilled at any hi-fi store in a simple operation involving a 1/4-inch bit and a 0-Tip. Cabling, of course, remains a concern. While ordinary zip cord is acceptable for certain listening applications, surely audiophiles will want to invest in heavy gauge wire to plug into their heads.

Strain relief will be important.

Recent tests on laboratory animals and on small children who refuse to eat their vegetables have proved promising. Their grim facial spasms, bodily contortions, and heavy breathing definitely show that they are enjoying their rock 'n' roll. Although approvals are still pending from the Food and Drug Administration, the Federal Communications Commission, the American Medical Association, and Good Housekeeping, units are expected for sale in time for Flag Day.

Manufacturers and other purveyors will soon begin demonstrating their prototypes. Next time you're hanging around the Funkausstellung and you hear the sound of a Black & Decker approaching from behind, you'll know what to expect. Don't worry you'll hardly feel a thing, I am told.

(adapted from Audio magazine, Apr. 1988)

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