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NAMREH NIETSRUB Another 12 months has rolled around, again bringing us the inimitable Prof. I. Lirpa. This time he submitted a guest Q & A column at the invitation of one of our contributing editors, who has taken a temporary leave of his senses. As many of our readers already know, and the rest will soon discover, Prof. Lirpa has an agile mind and an astonishing knowledge of audio. Never yet has he been found at a loss for an answer to any question whatsoever. His thought processes are unique because he thinks, speaks, and writes in a language that he himself invented and calls OCOL. The following was translated from the original by a colleague, Namreh Nietsrub. Straight-Wire Amplifier Q. I have read that the ideal amplifier is a straight wire with gain. The power cord of my amplifier is tightly coiled. Should I straighten it? -Desi Bell, Boulder, Colo. A. Why not? It will cost you nothing and is simple to do. You don't even have to remove the power plug from the wall socket. Just disconnect all leads and note whether the cord is coiled clockwise or counterclockwise. If clockwise, lift the amplifier (with two hands if it's heavy) and turn it counterclockwise until the cord is uncoiled. Move the amplifier away from the socket until the cord is straight; this may require you to relocate your audio system. In my next column I will tell you what to do if the power cord is wound counterclockwise. If you don't know clockwise from counterclockwise, fill your bathtub (or a friend's) with warm water and take a nice, refreshing bath. Be careful not to fall asleep or you might not find out what clockwise is. Pull the drain plug and notice how beautifully the water swirls and gurgles as it goes down the drain. Clockwise is the way the water swirls if you're in the Northern Hemisphere; next time I'll tell you how it swirls in the Southern Hemisphere. Finally, reconnect all the leads. Simple, just like I promised you. Weighty Question Q. I have been informed that a heavy weight, such as a brick or cinder block, will improve the performance of my power amplifier. Although I think this is a lot of rot, I would still like to know which is preferable, a brick or a cinder block? -Phil R. Monnick, Los Angeles, Cal. A. I like the way you put the question because it shows that you have an open mind, which you can take wherever you go the rest of your life. Now, in such matters as we are considering, it is best to experiment. First, try a brick on top of the amplifier; then try a cinder block instead. Now try a brick underneath, and after that a cinder block underneath. Next, try both a brick on top and a cinder block underneath, and then reverse the two. You may find this quite a bit of work, but there is no free lunch. Also, there is no free breakfast or dinner. All this time you should be listening carefully for differences in the sound coming from your audio system. There is a possibility you will hear no differences. There is also a possibility that your ears, or your entire head, should be examined, but don't give up yet. Try other combinations, such as two bricks or two cinder blocks (matched pairs). Be careful not to drop a brick or cinder block on your foot. If you do, drop one on the other foot for stereo. Three Heads vs. Two Q. What is the difference between a three-head tape deck and a two-head one? -M. T. Moore, Minneapolis, Minn. A. Three minus two equals one. Choosing a Tape Deck Q. I'm trying to choose between two fine cassette decks which have very similar features and specs except for frequency response. Deck A is rated ±2 dB between 30 Hz and 21 kHz, and Deck B is rated ±2 dB between 40 Hz and 24 kHz. Which should I buy? -Lynn E. Arrity, Brookline, Mass. A. Fortunately, my vast collection of audio equipment includes two decks with exactly the same specifications as the ones you mention. With these decks I was able to do some important research, with the assistance of my schnauzer. (You see, my hearing is no longer so good.) When I played Deck A, saliva drooled from the right side of his mouth. When I played Deck B, saliva again drooled from the right side. At first I did not know what to make of this, but soon I had one of my special insights. I played both decks together, and saliva ran from both sides of his mouth. From this I conclude that you should buy both decks. Pop Goes the Speaker Q. Whenever I make toast and the toast pops up, my audio system emits a loud and annoying pop. What can I do about this? -Francis X. Ponential, St. Louis, Mo. A. Wear a pair of earplugs when making toast. Super Tuner Q. I have built just about every kind of audio kit there is to build, and am now ready to construct components on my own from the ground up. I plan to start with a super FM tuner that meets or beats the following specifications: Flat response within 0.1 dB from 20 Hz to 18.9 kHz, 90-dB separation, 50-dB quieting in stereo at 10 dBf, 100-dB S/ N at 65 dBf, 0.001% harmonic and 1M distortion, 0.5-dB capture ratio, adjacent channel selectivity of 30 dB, alternate channel selectivity of 100 dB, 100-dB AM rejection, multipath-free, and equipped for diversity reception. The only thing I need in order to get going is a schematic diagram. -Lisa Jous, Urbana, Ill. A. You have come to the right person. It so happens that I have already designed a tuner at least as good as what you describe, probably better. However, there is a minor problem. I recently moved to a safer location, and the schematic is lost someplace among 140 packing cartons. I don't know which one. Since it will take me a little time to find it, I can't print the schematic until my next column. In the meantime, you can build your own FM antenna from old umbrella ribs. Better make two for diversity reception. Burning Question Q. Recently I purchased Gargoyle speaker cable, which was very expensive. One lead is identified as "hot" and the other as "ground." But I don't know which leads go to which terminals of my speakers and amplifier. If I hook them up incorrectly, will the hot lead burn out my speaker or amplifier? Until I get your answer I have $7,000 worth of audio equipment just sitting around doing nothing. -Audie O'Phile, Dublin, N.H. A. I think you are pulling my leg, because I notice that your letter is dated April 1. But I could be wrong, which would be the second time since 1952. So I will not only answer your question but also throw in some good advice. Connect the leads any which way, but not to each other. Now for the advice: Gargoyle cable is not for people who prefer a zippy sound to a nice, round, schmaltzy sound. If you want zip, use zip cord. The Wrong Stuff Q. I've been around the audio game more than 40 years, and it's time to speak my piece. Plain and simple, I just don't cotton to most of the newfangled stuff. Take those Compact Discs and other digital gizmos; it sure gets tiresome listening to a bunch of ones and zeros. I wouldn't give you a plugged nickel for anything with transistors instead of tubes. I always say, if it doesn't light up, don't trust it. FM isn't nearly as rich and full as AM; there's more screech than music in anything above 5,000 cycles (I don't say Hertz because it sounds like canary food). Same for LPs, which don't come knee-high to 78-rpm records. Only problem is, I'm nearly out of cactus needles for my Victrola. Do you know where I can find some? -Millie Volt, Edison, N.J. A. You can get them just five miles west of Needles, Ariz., a little north of Route 40. Be sure to bring a sharp knife with you. Confidence Game Q. I have a problem with my semiautomatic turntable. The arm doesn't always land on the lead-in groove. Sometimes it lands an inch away, sometimes more, and sometimes it even lands on the label. Can you advise me what to do? -Mike Rowatt, Waterloo, Iowa A. Honestly, I am surprised at your question. Whatever made you ask? Of course I can advise you. There should be no doubt in your mind about the ability of Prof. I. L¡rpa to advise you. Confidence is the name of the game. After all, audio is an illusion, and the illusion goes away if you have doubts. To make this clear, assume that your turntable is playing a symphonic record. No matter where the arm lands, except on the label, you have the illusion that there is an orchestra in your listening room. But you and I know, don't we, that this is an illusion and there really are not 100 people and their instruments in the room. Why, the typical listening room probably couldn't hold even 15 orchestra players, especially if some are playing the bass fiddle. If you have a problem with tape recording, please don't bother Prof. Lirpa; he's got enough problems of his own. "You broke It, now you fix it" will be his standard reply to those of you who write in anyway. (Source: Audio magazine, April 1985, HERMAN BURSTEIN) = = = = Also see: |
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